Think you love your bike now? Just wait until the Zombie Apocalypse. Here are 6 ½ reasons why your bike will quickly become your best companion when these hungry, undead slouches begin to waddle the earth.
Zombies are coming. Maybe not this weekend, or the next, but soon. Soon we are all going to be knee deep in the undead and trying our best to survive a Zombie Apocalypse. Be glad that you will be travelling through yours on two wheels.
Alright, it’s finally happened. Some kid in the mid-west somewhere, most likely Illinois, decided to nibble on a piece of gum they found under a filthy park bench. Little did they know, it had been drooled on by a heavily salivating marmot harboring a nasty strain of the rabies virus. The kid contracts the virus, kid bites brother, brother bites mom, mom bites mailman, we all know where it goes from there. We’ve seen the movies. Civilization crumbles and those who have escaped the initial outbreak and are not part of the zombie hoard themselves, will be left fending for themselves. Let’s see how your bike is going to help get you through this.
Kid chews gum. Kid contracts virus. Kid bites brother.
Brother bites mom. Mom contracts mutated marmot virus.
1. You will be out for a bike ride when this starts to go down – If you are reading this on the JensonUSA Journal, we know you are of the adventurous type. You will be out in the woods enjoying the sounds of tweedy birds and the fresh air instead of gun shots and screaming. You won’t be involved in the initial craziness that is the exodus of your home town.
2. Your bike requires no fuel – Your friends and neighbors have hoarded all the fuel and diesel by the time you get back from your daily ride anyways. Whatever. You don’t need it. They’ll be on a Mad Max-like fuel pursuit for the remainder of their apocalypse. Good luck with that.
3. You won’t get stuck in traffic – All the disabled and fuel deficient vehicles will be littering the roadways. You’ll be riding right around them though. Even better, because you are a cyclist and have an innate exploratory nature, you know of all the back roads and trails that will take you where you want to go. Keep exploring now so you know of all the available options when the time comes.
Weaving your way through littered freeways will require minimal bike handling skills.
4. Bikes are easily repaired – A small handful of tools will keep you moving for a very long time. Parts will be readily accessible at the abandoned college campus and there are many MacGyver fixes to get you by, even when parts are scarce. Ever stuffed your tires full of pine needles to keep you from walking out of the woods with a flat? It works. Note that steel bike frames can be welded with just a few car batteries, some jumper cables and a welding rod.
Also, (I guess this is reason 4.5), use those welding skills and the mass amounts of materials locked up to lamppost everywhere downtown for building yourself a steel cage of some kind or a thunder dome of solitude for keeping the unsavoriness’ at bay.
5. You will see and hear what’s coming – No dirty windshield or barred up passenger side window will block your line of site. You will be enjoying a 360 degree view of the entire area and have sufficient heads-up when there’s a threat headed your way. And, with no rumbling engine, you’ll hear the groans of the undead way before they even know you’re in the area.
6. You will find stuff on the side of the road – Traveling at a leisurely pace of about 10 miles an hour allows for the opportunity to find survival supplies laying in the gutters and ditches along the roads. Instead of rushing by that grocery bag at 60 miles an hour, you will pedal up, glance down and see that it contains a couple cans of beans, a knife or perhaps even what will became known as “Zombie Apocalypse Gold”…. BEER!!!
Post-apocalyptic lucky strike.
Not that you needed any more reasons to love your bike, but there you have it, 6 and a half of the many reasons traveling the impending apocalypse by bike will get you through with an advantage.
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